I am afraid of horses. I don't remember when this fear began, but I vividly remember when I knew that I would never stop being afraid of them.
I was working at a year-round YMCA camp in northwest Connecticut as an outdoor ed teacher and teambuilding facilitator. One afternoon I walked over to the area of the camp called "the ranch" to see my friend, Jodi, who was feeding the horses. Jodi invited me into the corral to walk and talk with her as she made her rounds filling the buckets with whatever horses eat.
"No thanks," I responded. "I'll wait here. I'm afraid of horses."
"They aren't going to hurt you. And these guys are too busy eating to pay you any attention," she assured me.
"I'm not afraid of them purposefully hurting me. They are huge, and I'm afraid that one will shift his weight and step on my foot, or, worse, kick me."
"No. You don't need to worry about that. You just keep talking and patting them as you walk around them." Jodi made her way to the back of the horse to demonstrate. "They will know where you are and won't..."
Her words escaped her as Jodi crumpled to the ground.
The horse kept munching away as if he hadn't just kicked his caregiver in the gut. I ran for help as Jodi caught her breath and reassured me that she would be okay. I knew then that I would never not be afraid of horses.
Jodi still works at the camp and still takes care of horses every day. Despite my fears and the irrefutable evidence that horses can hurt you, Jodi spends much of her time riding them, feeding them, and walking around them.
Needless to say, I do not work with horses. But I do many other things that scare me. I commute 45 minutes to work despite the fact that I was rear-ended twice last year. I stroll my baby around the neighborhood despite the fact that a loose dog recently attacked a young boy and that two other dogs have run up to us growling until their owners have come to pull them away. I have every reason to be afraid, but I keep driving and keep walking (albeit with a higher level of alertness and awareness), and, perhaps one day, I will even walk around the back of a horse.
In a few weeks I will begin teaching ESL or, as I like to call it, EFL (more on that to come in a later post) to a handful of international students at my school. I am afraid that I do not have enough experience or training as an ESL teacher and that my students may suffer as a result. This fear motivates me to learn and prepare as much as I am able before I begin. It also motivates me to reach out to other people who have valuable perspectives to offer as I design and eventually revise my ESL curriculum. Whether you are a teacher, a student, an administrator, a parent, and/or another person who is motivated (or at least not paralyzed) by fear, you have a valuable perspective to offer. Please share it in the comments.
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